Callous Embrace

The process of attempting to establish a network of foster/adoptive parents and professionals who work within and around the foster care system and who are willing to share their stories out loud is interesting. Interesting is a euphemism for often futile, damn frustrating, and only occasionally productive. Just call me Sisyphus!

There are a number of well justified reasons for choosing not to come forward; perhaps chief among them is fear of retribution by the behemoth DCF. Many of those who have stories to tell have ongoing ties to the agency and speaking out is not an option. Instead, the conversations take place in private – in living rooms and back yards, after support group meetings, among therapists and patients, attorneys and clients. Nearly everyone has a story that bespeaks apathy, callousness, or the abuse of institutional power. To DCF stakeholders, such abasements are simply – and sadly – the norm.

I recently heard about a comment that illustrates the ugliness that oozes from the very core of this system of festering wrong. The comment was made by a supervisory staff member during a meeting that was held to determine the ultimate placement of a sibling group of two. A foster parent, discussing his wish to adopt the children who had been with his family for three years, suggested that it would be harmful to move them from the only home that they had ever known. The DCF staff member responded (and I am paraphrasing) that the children are already damaged when they come into the system; what difference does it make when we damage them a little more. I would say it’s unbelievable, but this is just business as usual at DCF.

If you have a story to tell; we would like to hear it. Please contact us.